Links and Resources



61 thoughts on “Links and Resources

  1. Hilary Searing

    You are welcome to have a link to my Barefoot Social Worker website (above). My articles on child protection recognise the dysfunctional nature of the system and are aimed at encouraging constructive debate on how to improve social work practice.

      1. Sarah Phillimore Post author

        Do you mean section 20 of the Children Act 1989? section 25 is about secure accommodation. If the children are accommodated under section 20 you retain parental responsibility and you can remove them at any time. But the local authority will probably take the matter to court on an urgent basis if you do this and they think the children are at risk. But if they take it to court, they will have to make an application for a care order or an emergency protection order which means you will get automatic legal aid.

      2. Claire Hughes

        Very briefly. My 12 year old son,diagnosed with autism(although described as “mild” in last ten days & never before has that term been used in last 23 months)& in foster. S.S.& local authorities took me to court to over rule my PR in the matter of my son to receive school vaccinations against my wishes. The judge stated my son gillick competent & he has received 1st set next one’s due on Monday 16th. All school reports since primary state my boy has difficulties learning and needs additional help. I did have the support from Axia/Asd (Chester)from two employees, one being a founder of the organisation and both very professional as a clinical psychologist, but unfortunately they withdrew their support when I was informed that the social services taking me to court. I have 2 letters received from Axia dated sept/oct 2016. Is there anything I could do to stop or delay these vaccines.
        Yours Sincerely
        Clarke Hughes

        1. looked_after_child

          You are correct there is no such thing as mild autism. (heart sinks that anyone is still using terms like this..)
          If your son is autistic then his competency will be ‘spikey’ so it is important that he was given child appropriate information about health treatments that met his particular communication needs before giving his consent because obviously it should be an informed choice to be valid.
          For me ( and you know your situation best, not me) this would not be a battle worth fighting. Better to look at what needs to happen before he can come home and work on this.

    1. Zoe

      After years of being under social services after fleeing domestic abuse my children were finally off the redgester every rule was followed. Whilst myself and my children were not present at the family address a known person to the family entered the home and attacked a friend of mine whilst he slept, when he awoke he initially thought it was me who had attacked him as he was in my address, after some time in a cell it was NFA and it was discovered to not be me! A child Protection meeting was called 2 weeks later and in the meeting my children were put back on the register under neglect! Using the excuse of absence from school and 2 of my kids had looked grubby! They also delved deeply into historical information that had been known in the 2 previous marac meetings that had been held in the past! Both the attacker and the person who was attacked were also in prison at the time of the cpp meeting! So any risk of the children being of harm was also not present from them! Is this right that they can do this? Can they really use an event where myself and my children were not present? And one of my children’s attendances at school? Baring in mind my other child has a 97% attendance, as they couldn’t use her attendance as a reason they said she smelled!! Shocking!! I really need help with this as yes some of the historical events were shocking they were historical and had already been known prior to this event!

      1. Sarah Phillimore Post author

        So do I understand correctly? someone came into your house and attacked a friend of yours who was sleeping there, the friend accused you of assaulting him and now both the friend and the attacker are in prison?
        Just who are you letting into the house where your children sleep?
        This sounds deeply worrying to me and I think anyone reasonable would be worried about your children.

        1. Zoe

          My friend is in prison because he committed an offence last year he suffers with mental health problems and had a break down he is stable now and serving time for a mistake he made where only himself was harmed.

          1. Sarah Phillimore Post author

            While I hope I can be compassionate towards people who get stuck in criminal justice system via unsupported mental health difficulties, you surely must see why the vast majority of people would be worried for your children if these are the kinds of people invited into their house? There is surely a serious risk the children will end up seeing or hearing some really frightening things or even worse, getting caught up in physical fights between adults.

          2. Angelo Granda

            Zoe, I understand neither you or your children were in the house at the time of the criminal violence which was committed by a criminal against your friend. I doubt whether you were in a position to anticipate it or prevent it as you were not there.
            You surely must see that the reason why the SW ‘s were concerned is that the Police referred your children to them when you were arrested. Now you are absolved from any wrongdoing ,however, they have little to worry about and no real case so they are forced to dig up past concerns and develop new ones if they wish to satisfy threshold and get you into the Family Court . They will carry out a witch-hunt. Be warned , they can make whatever allegations they want with which to arouse fears and gain an ICO. It matters little to them or the Court if you prove them false. The hearings aren’t in an open court and aren’t fair ones for several other reasons .
            My advice to you ,as one parent to another, is that when they make false claims without foundation such as the children smell or are grubby , this is known as ‘gaslighting’ and the intention is to deliberately antagonise you and disorient you with illegitimate aims. They want to make you react angrily and shout at them and it is because they want to attack your character in court and defame you. It is common practice.Unfortunately,the previous involvement will make it look like there is a long history of concerns too. If you have previous papers , letters etc. you must show them to your solicitors in the event of proceedings.Get yourself an advocate and also contact the FRG website for help.

          3. Sarah Phillimore Post author

            Did you read the same comment I did? There are really serious concerns here about unsafe adults in the house where the children live. I don’t care if they weren’t there on that particular night. Thank goodness.

          4. Angelo Granda

            Same comment…..different response.

            The first rule of good social work is not to allow ones fears to determine ones response.Zoe found the CPR ,gave us some facts as she sees them and asked for help.

            The duty of the Social Worker is first and foremost to conduct a fair and impartial investigation into the FACTS of each case as and when fears and concerns arise,to be absolutely open and honest when doing so and to report what he or she finds.
            I am always concerned when I hear from Mums like Zoe as I hear of so many vulnerable families treated unfairly ,cases conducted wrongly etc.
            So I merely offer her advice as a fellow parent rather than as a cp professional.
            Zoe,if you are still with us,the LA must follow guidelines and frameworks of the Children Act scrupulously.Sometimes they forget to do so and children are placed on the child-protection register at risk of neglect out of all proportion to the FACTS.
            Please supply answers to a few questions honestly.
            1.Did the SW inform you of your right to have an advocate or a friend attend meetings with you in order to offer support and to help mediate?Did he or she attempt to help you contact one and give you local details,tel.No’s?
            2.Was the SW open and honest from the start? Did he or she explain exactly what the concerns were,what information they had been given by the Police and were you shown a copy of any official child-in-need referral? Were your agreements and/or disagreements considered and were they taken down on paper,recorded correctly and signed by you?
            3.The child-protection conference.Were you fully informed of it at least 48 hours beforehand? Were you told specifically which professionals involved with your children had been asked to attend and were you able to ensure that your views,account of the FACTS, agreements and disagreements etc were circulated amongst them all in good time before the meeting?
            4.Was the conference quorate? By that,Zoe,I mean did any of the professionals involved with your children attend; they are supposed to? For example,if a SW alleges children are in a state of neglect or at risk of neglect,according to correct procedure,there must be contemporaneous supporting medical evidence of it from a child’s GP or health visitor.Did either of those professionals attend? Did someone from school attend to give evidence particularly the school child-protection representative to confirm attendance records and so on?
            Usually,were either the GP or school to have child-protection concerns ,they would already have followed procedure and discussed them with you anyway long before.
            5.Was the Police representative there to inform the meeting of the fully investigated FACTS and to explain that you were in FACT cleared of blame and that neither you or the children were actually present at the time and that the allegation was made by someone who is mentally ill

            6.Were the professionals open and honest with you? Were the ‘concerns’ fully examined and was it fully explained to you what was required of you, how you were expected to change etc. Or was the decision to place your children on the register steam-rollered through by the SW without you or the others being heard? Was it merely a rubber-stamp exercise?

            My advice to Zoe is that if the guidelines were flouted in anyway,then the decision to place her children on the at-risk register was UNLAWFUL.
            For a full list of correct procedure,Zoe,consult the FRG ,a link to them can be found on this resource and for better advice than I can give and mediation ,get a free advocate.
            Finally,don’t fall into the trap of losing it.That is what they want you to do,sometimes.Keep cool,calm and collected with them.

          5. Sarah Phillimore Post author

            I find your response odd. You aren’t helping this mother or these children by glossing over that something very seriously wrong was allowed to unfold in the house where the children live. Whether they were there or not at the time is pretty much irrelevant. It was their home. they are entitled to feel safe in it. I appreciate this friend had mental health difficulties so its not his ‘fault’ but nevertheless he accused Zoe of assaulting him! Now both the victim and the perpetrator are in prison? Zoe needs to understand what went so horribly wrong here and show that she can take steps to keep her children safe. She can use her energies on holding the LA firm to every procedural nicety in the book if she wishes. But my very firm view is that this would be a serious misdirection of her energy.

          6. Angelo Granda

            There is always a possibility that one parent might misdirect another ,Sarah,and whilst I accept your own firm view, may I point out I am not a professional as you are which is why I pointed Zoe in the direction of independent professional advocacy and mediation . Had the SW done so in the first place as per frameworks perhaps she would not have come here for help.
            However,thanks for your different view.

          7. Angelo Granda

            Actually,your comment is intriguing.There is so much wrong with the system and I think we should look much more critically at procedural safeguards,the freedom with which Local Authorities abuse them and even more critically at the disrespect towards them shown by lawyers.
            To simplify matters,let us take it in short stages.Please can you answer this question ,Sarah.
            How do you think Zoe’s energies would be better directed?

          8. Sarah Phillimore Post author

            In examining the natures and the propensities of those she allows into the home where her children live.
            For starters.

          9. Angelo Granda

            Quite, Sarah , absolutely spot on. Under the terms of the Children Act, parents have a duty to protect their children to the best of their ability and it is important their home is a safe place for them. ( As far as the criminal offender is concerned, on the occasion described the Police actually did their job and any threat from that quarter was removed thankfully). However, Mum should consider future harm too, of course . She should concentrate her energies in working with the SW’s under the auspices of the Act and examining the natures and propensities of ,for example , who she allows in her home in future. She has to put her children even before her friend. She should co-operate fully with a positive ( not negative), fair and above all impartial investigation and , if necessary accept support. Obviously , the SW involved should not ignore the Working Together frameworks, ignore the incident of violence and adopt a bullying attitude as has happened here. To re-register the child as ‘neglected’ just because it is claimed one smells and that the other is ‘grubby’ shows no appreciation of human beings ,children or adults and no understanding of schoolchildren.
            A grubby schoolboy does not point to parental neglect at all . Sw’s must carry out impartial investigations and come to realistic appraisals. The process is laid down for them and it isn’t rocket science even for the most stupid SW.
            So, my next question , what can parents do should the SW’s refuse to work with them fairly following the law, won’t examine the facts and concerns properly, and concentrates on making cloud-cuckoo land assertions?

          10. Sarah Phillimore Post author

            A child who goes to the school at the start of the school day, grubby and unwashed is a very clear indicator of a neglected child.
            A child who ends the school day grubby has probably had a good day.

          11. Angelo Granda

            Thanks,Sarah,for your continued patience with comments and criticisms.
            I find your last remark iniquitous.The phrase ‘ clear indicator of a neglected child’ is a good example of the officious, bureaucratic language used by LA legals to disguise mere speculation as fact with the intent of misleading decision-makers.
            Facts lead to well-informed appraisals not guesswork.For example,is there constant hot water and a regular supply of soap at home? If a boy jumps out of bed and gives himself a ‘ catlick’ that is not neglect,is it? If he plays footie and climbs a tree on route to school,what is that? What if he doesn’t use his coathangers and brushes?

          12. Sarah Phillimore Post author

            Ok let me restate
            A child who often comes to school unwashed, dirty and smelly IS A NEGLECTED CHILD
            There is no room for debate about that.
            Washing your child and his clothes is BASIC PARENTING
            to fail to do this on a regular basis, and to send your child to school dirty is NEGLECT
            If it goes on for a long time and is coupled with other things it is a pretty likely indicator of SIGNIFICANT HARM

          13. Angelo Granda

            Thanks for reconsidering it.It is so easy for an sw lacking integrity to say a child smells or is grubby ,Sarah.Please bear that in mind .It is also almost impossible refute at a meeting without an experienced advocate ( as per guidelines) to mediate with professionals.Parents will feel insulted and have their hackles raised,mutual antagonism is likely to develop between parties etc.
            Sw’s have to be fair and impartial.This one cannot have enquired with school whether it was a regular occurrence.It wasn’t an issue or the school head would have contacted Mum about it long before.
            There is little doubt in my mind,some Sw’s are not fair and impartial.
            Please remember how to prove it in Court.If not one thing in Mum’s favour is reported not one,then assessments are not fair ones.
            Well,it looks like Zoe has left the scene.Please note,Sarah,that her case may not mean proceedings,the children have merely been placed on the register for now.Lawyers won’t be involved but it is still interference in family life and families placed on lengthy cin plans are the recipients of great distress as a result.It is also emotionally harmful to a child to be interviewed at school without his parents by an sw.He will be stigmatised by schoolfellows that is a fact!

          14. Sarah Phillimore Post author

            Ok. so don’t rely on the social worker. Ask the teacher. That’s where this information usually comes from.

          15. Angelo Granda

            BTW, I may be old-fashioned but my mother never used to wash us when we were at school.We were taught to bathe ourselves!
            She did wash our uniforms ,of course,but we never had a clean one on everyday.
            I don’t know what happens nowadays.
            I remember one boy who used to be dropped off at exactly five to nine every morning by his Mum (perhaps a middle-class professional ).He was always perfectly dressed,hair combed meticulously,spotless etc.Needless to say,he was castigated and called a sissy by all his classmates.Ces LA vie!!!¿/

          16. Sarah Phillimore Post author

            I would expect any primary school child to turn up at school with clean clothes and clean skin.
            I would not expect any primary school child to be left to be entirely responsible for washing their own clothes and skin.
            Of course the degree of parental intervention should diminish the older a child gets.
            however a 5 year old I would assume needs a high level of intervention. A 10 year old less, but still some.

          17. Angelo Granda

            So,back to my question
            What to do if an sw refuses to follow frameworks and guidelines,refuses to be open and candid,will not examine issues properly and listen to all accounts,makes no attempt to establish facts and concentrates on making cloud-cuckoo land assertions?

            Before you reply,my view is that such failures are profoundly unethical and should any lawyer pass by on the other side and ignore them,then it is profoundly in just.Procedural safeguards are not just ‘legal niceties’ which can be ridden roughshod over freely by LA’s.Or decisions cannot be proportionate and appraisals cannot be well-informed.
            To avoid massive miscarriages of justice,correct process should be enforced by the Court.

    2. Sarah Lowe

      I am desperate for someone, anyone who can help me. Basically to cut a very long story short. I am being targeted and destroyed deliberately by my husband and his mother for the end result for me to become very unwell, or commit suicide or end up sectioned or on the streets. Reasons unclear but I have ideas to what they are. It is not the first time they have done this .
      I was a nurse clinical lead in dementia unit earning alot of money doing my dream job. Good future ahead. We had ups and downs and my husband went to prison for killing his brother came out at beginning of the year. I knew it wasnt going to be easy him adjusting but i loved him and believed in him. The ultimate goal was for us as a family to move areas, fresh start where no one knew about our past.. My hopes and dreams of achieving that goal was less than a year a way. Over night gone by my husband up and leaving to go to hospital claiming a break down told me my marriage was over and i make him ill. I had to come out of work not knowing what to do. I was distraught. Communication cut off by the family. I was emotionally broken, three children not knowing what is going on. Thats when I felt isolated, smear campaign. Social services ringing me asking was i going to harm my children. Financial provisions cut off. Council told no one was living in the house when we were there. Support networks gone other than controlling ones. I was a mess, i tried my best. Then my husband came home. Now i realise it was to further my distress. He broke me that much and my reality distorted I was suicidal and begging for help. He left and then snuck in the house and took the children. Then locked me in the house. I was in hospital and when I came out I was very well. The sw who said before I went to hospital we will have family meeting, the concern at that point was both our emotional health. New year came and then I was a abuser drug addict made the children lie and I was the pepetraitor of domestic violence. I havent seen my eldest since dec 16th 2017. I see my two others once a week. The sw off sick since he did cf assessment and supported a non mol and prohibits steps order against me. Since then the lies have continued. We have had two local authorities 2 sw from and three from another. They keep disappearing. No child protection conference no multi agency working. They are subject to interim care orders by the judge who has also disappeared. and are living with my husband and his mother. No facts established. No involvement of my account. No invites to meetings etc. On 2nd guardian and they are saying im delusional however every thing i predicted would happen has. Emotional health is poor again because i havent seen my eldest who i spoke to on xmas day saying i will see you next week. 9 months later im still waiting with she is not ready.

      1. Sarah Phillimore Post author

        Where is your lawyer? What happened in the care proceedings? Did you have a lawyer? How were the interim care orders made? Did you challenge the evidence?

        I am really sorry to hear that this is your story – it sounds very frightening and dis-orientating. But no one is going to be able to give you any legal help on line, but I hope you will find some people who can offer emotional support. on any analysis you have undergone a very traumatic and difficult experience.

        To get any proper help with your situation you will need a lawyer you can trust and work with. If there have been care proceedings then you qualify for non means and non merits tested legal aid. I don’t understand why your narrative simply reads as a stream of things done to you – you should have been given the opportunity to challenge allegations you didn’t accept.

        In the meantime, what support are you getting with your mental health. ‘Delusional’ is quite a strong accusation for a guardian to make and I would like to know the evidential basis for that. If you are seeing mental health professionals then I would advise that you work with them and get as much help and support as you can.

      2. sam

        The problem is it all sounds so far fetched, that you will be labelled as mentally ill whether you are or not. I can believe that it happened though, professionals do not always under narcissists and you are not the only woman telling a similar story. Many children, including mine continue to be harmed by being placed with abusive men and paternal families. I did not have legal help for a considerable number of weeks in my proceedings due to a legal aid administrative problem. I have actually asked the LA for a serious case review , it was refused and in recent weeks my youngest has once again been assaulted in the home. It is nothing so ever about child protection it is about LA reputation protection.

      3. Sam

        From the NSPCC criteria for a serious case review. I wonder how many looked after children, particually those shunted from placement to placement qualify?
        What is seriously harmed and how is it determined
        Seriously harmed includes, but is not limited to, cases where the child has sustained, as a result of abuse or neglect, any or all of the following:

        a potentially life-threatening injury;
        serious and/or likely long-term impairment of physical or mental health or physical, intellectual, emotional, social or behavioural development.
        This definition is not exhaustive. LSCBs should use available research evidence when considering whether serious harm has occurred. (Department for Education, 2018).

        1. Sam

          Does anyone know the test whether the criteria to establish harm caused to a child for a serious case review ? Is it on the balance of probabilities just as it is for care cases? I know they are normally held when a child dies , but it appears to be when a child suffers from long lasting harm as well.

  2. phillimoresarah Post author

    Thanks Hilary, would you mind if I linked your article about being a Children’s Social worker on our Social Work page?

    1. Tj

      Im sorry to say . You are incredibly trying to insult people on here’s intelligence …. [Redacted. If you can make your point without being personally abusive, I am happy to publish it. If you can’t, I won’t]

    2. Jordan Sims

      I need help I have a son that’s 1 year old and I’m 16 and my mom doesn’t want me and I can’t help my son so I don’t know wat to do someone call me [REDACTED]

      1. looked_after_child

        Hello Jordan
        This sounds incredibly stressful. Are you sure your Mum dos’ent want you? Having a new baby in the house changes everything but it may settle down again. Have you thought about what you want for your child – for them? What is your relationship like with your child’s father? Do you have a SW?
        It is not wise to put your phone number onto the internet as sometimes there are people on the net who prey on other people in distress. It is better to contact a few organisations and talk to people o their helplines if you can. The Family Rights Group is a good place to start.
        Being a parent is a big responsibility and hopefully you will get good support.

    1. Debbie

      Hi there, the link u suggested no longer exists? Do you no its new links regarding help I desperatly need. Social services have my daughter into care 23rd DEC 2017. They have fucked me over big time. They are lieing child kidnapping basterds! They have lie to me,lied against us in court case reports withholding information in reports they failed code law conduct vital info towards case history they failed us. Using attachment theory phycology Brain washed our daughter to witch she was hearing voices then used it against us.saying they are results of emotional stress cause by neglect towards her needs and wellbeing. Its all so fucked up. EVIL

      1. Sarah Phillimore Post author

        If there are care proceedings you will get access to a lawyer for free. I suggest you urgently take that up. If its section 20 accommodation and you don’t agree with it – tell the LA and tell them to issue care proceedings then you will get access to a lawyer.

  3. Sarah Phillimore

    Thanks – that looks interesting, would be good to link it to posts about getting help. This is perennial problem in care proceedings – all agree parent would benefit from some kind of therapy but no one will pay for it.

  4. Debbie

    My 3 Childern as Be Adpoton & Social Serivces take them away from me
    I frigth Children Social Serivces At Court be their Win the Case I was so upset & Crying I miss my Kid’s so much. So Children Social Serivces say to me I Can’t see My Children no more Because Their say to I got a Learning Disabitiles & said I can’t look after Myself .Be I can Because I was not Dignoie with a learning Disabitlies bye no Doctors or Never Been to Hospiceal for people with learning Disabitlies, So I just want my 3Kids Back with me I just need Some Help.

    1. Sarah Phillimore Post author

      I am really sorry that you are so unhappy. Is there anyone you can talk to in real life? You have gone through a horrible experience and you need someone you can talk to. I am afraid I can’t give you any help here – I don’t know what’s happened in your case or the reason your children were taken away. Can the LA offer you any support? Could you try the Family Rights Group?

      1. Angelo Granda

        Other parents can read between the lines of your message , Debbie. I can see that you are another victim of a horrible,inhumane system . You have been left behind in a hole and hung out to dry!
        Debby, please answer these easy questions for me ,if you can?
        Did the Social Worker tell you where to go to get an advisor to help and support you ( an advocate) before they took your children?
        Has anyone been to see you now court is all over or are you left on your own?
        Are you still going to see your children every week ?

  5. Angry mum

    I need help. In care proceedings. L.a want removal to care with f.c.o and placement order.
    The l.a have updated the threshold. My barrister says we do not agree and is now helping the l.a to tweak it so that we do agree the threshold is past.
    Is my barrister allowed to do this?
    3 day final contested hearing THIS WEEK COMING 26/27/28 September 2016.
    Please advise

  6. Angelo Granda

    As a parent, the only help i can give you is that you engage with your lawyers as you have done and follow their advice. Also google The Family Rights Group and they will advise you and put you in contact with other help organisations..They have a telephone helpline and they can provide positive case assistance.
    Also ,if the CS have conducted your case correctly,they will have advised you of your right to an independent advocate who ,axxording to statute,is able to attend meetings with you,intervene and support you agaixt the LA.
    Get an advocate and he will explain concerns to you.If you disagree with any, your views must be circulated amongst other professionals .If they aren’t ,they are bound to make misinformed appraisals as a result.They have to be aware of both sides.

    This site does not normally advise on specific cases , it is set up as a general discussion forum.
    I am not trained or a solicitor etc. I am an ordinary parent. My general impression is that parents who contest threshhold criteria are considered uncooperative and unable to work with the CS.So a fco can be issued on those grounds.Parents who agree the threshhold will be deemed to have admitted causing neglect, risk of future significant harm etc and the fco will be issued anyway. They can’t win on threshhold which are very low and the LA evidence won’t be examined rigidly anyway.
    The vital issue is the CARE PLAN and placement orders cannot be issued unless all less serious alternatives have been considered. Often the CS forget that duty.Family Support can solve all but the most dire cases.
    Hope this helps.For specific case advice, contact the FRG.

  7. Veronica Edwards

    My story on scandals with authorities to steal my child and gave to a men that isn’t her father. There are serious frauds going on within Police social services and school. To stealing peoplespecially children.

  8. Joanne Kennedy

    Hi everyone i am posting desperate. I am mum to two very beautiful little boys. I have very long history of mental illness. Was also diagnosed with personality disorder but have worked so hard to understand myself, my emotions, reactions,responses and triggers that hsve been deemed to have a history of, rather thsn currently suffering from a personality disorder. I try so hard to be the best mum i can be for my little boys but also battle against a myriad of physical illnesses inc fibromyalgia and arthritis. The childrens social worker and their father agrees that when i am unwell i am still a good mum, and when well i am a fantastic mum. Thing is they lack stability and consistency…this has been evident for last six years. Their dad, although he loves them lscks the ability to offer them most of the basic aspects of care. The house is a slum . The boys dont even understand basic hygiene ( i went out with them today and they were dirty, filthy. With tide marks uo their arms and even between their fingers. I was distraught, though more embarrased for them. Al he has to do is get them to wash their hands and face…but no, way too difficult. So frustrated between his inability or desire to offer them basic care. doesn’t cut it, and my illness preventing me from giving the best if care on a regular basis i asked that the social worker look to placing my sons in long term foster care…though allowing them to come home weekends. But truth is i am broken, i dont want to have my boys placed. I want help . I want to be supported at a level whereby i still get to be the best mum i can possibly be to my beautiful boys every day, every night. I have w.orked si hard to be where i am today. Our sons love us so very much, as does myself snd thrir dad. Please,please help. How do we help our boys remain at home, how do i continue to be their mum, kiss them goodnight, hear them giggle in the morning and ruffle their hair when they come home from school telling their stories. ..and still be the one to tuck them up tight in bed when i have asked thst they be placed somwhere “more stable”. I want the chance to be their stable, to continue loving them and being their mum. Why am i not supported to do this. Why is it that it seems thst the way to make things better for them is for them tl go somewhere else. Ask my sons and without hesitation they will tell you they want to be with mammy and daddy. Please, please help me. Tell me where i can go to get the help and support to make thst possible for them…and for me. I don’t want to be their part time mum. Desperate and heartbroken ????

    1. Sarah Phillimore Post author

      Have you asked your LA to make an assessment of your needs under the Care Act 2014 ?
      You ought to be supported to care for your children, rather than having to give them up to foster care, which would itself be very expensive.
      But their dad also needs to step up. Why can’t he wash their hands? How does he ‘lack the ability’ to provide basic care? Does he have mental health/learning difficulties?
      You need someone to look at your family as a whole and see its strengths and weaknessness and see what can be done.
      Sometimes the gap is too wide to be filled.
      But sometimes it isn’t.
      I would make it very clear to the SW that I would like some kind of plan about how your family can be helped and supported.
      BUT if their are adult members who simply aren’t pulling their weight for no good reason – that is going to make a difficult situation even worse.

  9. Angelo Granda

    Can anyone give me a link to Sam’s blog please?
    Sarah, regarding this resource, how often do you read the e-mails and reply to them?
    Sorry to trouble you.

    1. Sarah Phillimore Post author

      Sorry, I have had a very busy couple of months so haven’t been checking emails as regularly but I try to check at least every couple of days. But sometimes I have only checked once a week.

  10. Kirsty

    My ex has had new girlfriend sleep over same bed as children 2 and 8 asked my child lie to me narcasite and jekle Hyde with me try blame me calling me all names to kids what rights have I over him have stranger sleep over in bed and also drinking and drugs while have kids over? We have no set times weekend he rings I get kids ready? ?

    1. Sarah Phillimore Post author

      If you don’t think the children will be safe overnight then don’t let them stay over. They can visit during the day and come home to you if they don’t have their own bed or adults are drinking and doing drugs around them. Its often better for children to have some kind of routine and predictability so fixed times would be good, on every other weekend to give you some time with them at weekends. If he won’t agree you can try mediation or he can make application to court but if what you say is true I think it would be seen as perfectly reasonable to stop overnight stays in those circumstances.

  11. Angelo Granda

    Sarah,Forgive me if I’m mistaken but something appears to have gone wrong at the top of this webpage.
    Isn’t there supposed to be a list of links and resources e.g. FRG, Samaritans,Citizens advice,Barbados etc.?

    1. Sarah Phillimore Post author

      half the links have disappeared from the menu which is annoying. I have tried to put them back but it didn’t work. The content is still there but you would have to search in search box.

  12. Mummy has Narcolepsy

    Child protection meetings are a joke. There is a massive lack of so called professionals gathering the correct information regarding a child in need or at risk , that in combination , adds to the child services rights to remove a child for what they think is correct. Regardless to what the law states , and any procedures that are put in place to protect vulnerable adults with disabilities and ill health.
    Friends and family support, apparently the people you are to identify also have to attend these meetings, that are not only humiliating and degrading and in my experience let’s all jump on the bad mother wagon to see how far we can push her over the edge.
    Why would I want my neighbours to be forced in to these meetings when I am presented as a struggling mother? Yes I’m struggling and that’s why I asked for social care assistance.
    As a single disabled mother of 39 , I expected what was promised. Social services help for my day to day needs that includes my parental responsibility.
    Instead I was chritasized for not being able to walk my daughter to school and on days when I couldn’t walk , my daughter was later by 10 mins. But before school registration had closed.
    I was given no help, my disabilities were ignored and my daughter was removed from my care at age 7.
    Justice? No. There is nothing right in the system. Social workers are just a bunch of lying bastards.
    If you complain , it makes it worse and then your made a target , set up to fail.
    My daughter was well looked after by me. I devoted my whole life to looking after her .
    I own my own house. I’ve had my own business, I’ve worked as a district nurse.
    This is not how I thought my life would end.
    I see my daughter, supervised every 2 months for 1 hour.
    Neglected her educational needs. There was also a child at the school who had worse attendance , my daughter was late on days due to me not being able to walk. But this is put down as an unauthorized absence. !!! She was there everyday. 5-10 mins late but never before registration had closed.
    I didn’t have mental health issues before. I have now tho. The bullying , the lies and deceit at the hands of the so called professionals.
    I am a mentor at MIND, my expertise is with people feeling like they want to kill themselves.
    I no how they are feeling.
    Doesn’t stop me from not wanting to, I have to carry on , in pain and devistated more than anyone could ever no, because I love my daughter. She is my everything.
    Something has to be done. Is not right.


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